Goodbye NUK--You make me BRAVE

Today marks Zakiyah saying goodbye to her nuk.
Mama decided at about 5pm that I was over it.
Zakiyah is 2 years old and 1 month……. it is time.
Impulsive. Stubborn. Strong. and Ready. (me and the 2 year old)
I have been holding on……. she is my baby. My last. My little lady. She loves her nuk. But, this girl is more stubborn than me. We have been trying to only have it in her mouth for nap/bedtime/car rides…but, there are a lot of extra nuk time she gets…. because it is easy. a cop out on my part.
Zakiyah, don't be so loud in the store. Zakiyah don't whine and cry. Zakiyah is tired and I am pushing her and dragging her to another store……….
Leaving church tonight after youth group and Zion's preschool group, is when I put on baby lullabies and give Zakiyah her nuk and lovie and let her rest for the 15-20 minute drive home…… not tonight…..crying and her tapping at her lips showing me she wanted her nuk. Zion trying to hold her hand and telling her she loved her…….me, explaining that Mama and Daddy love her and she is such a big girl being 2 years old now. No more nuki babe. Close your eyes and listen to the music….nope. She was not having it……
Getting home, and brushing teeth, getting the water in the sippy, and water with ice for Zion, brushing teeth, getting jammies on and changing diaper…….. We go into their room and Zakiyah is on all fours looking for her nuk under her crib. I pick her up and grab the 3 nuks and bring the girls to my bathroom and try letting Kiyah throw them in the garbage. One by one, she puts them in her mouth, while I, in return, take them and say "Goodbye nuki. Zakiyah is such a big girl now, she doesn't need you." She looking at them and me, with alligator tears and the silent cry…..wait for it… there it is….. whaling scream. I stroke her hair and bounce, singing worship songs and telling her I love her…….
I put her down and get my ipad and put on soothing sounds (waves and piano) and pick her up and bring her to the art room across the hall…..saying goodnight to Zi and telling her mama is going to rock Zakiyah to sleep, which never happens anymore. Zakiyah instantly collapses on my chest, as I rock and  whisper to her songs and pray for her. She fondles her index finger over her lips and occasionally sucking her finger for comfort, plays with the beads on my necklace and eventually drops her arms accepting her new life. Nuki Less Life ;) Eventually, closing her eyes and her weight dropping in my arms and on my lap. sigh…the best…...
I found myself looking out the window as I was holding my precious daughter with tears welling up in my eyes, thanking God for my life. God spoke to me tonight…about a nuki. and about finding beauty in the things I don't thank him for very often.
Thank You God for the finger printed windows that I was looking out of. Thank You for my awesome neighbors and for our home.
Thank You for the two girls that are pure CRAZY and test me in every possible way.
Thank You for the chaos of the simple things…….bed time and wake up time. Oh my word, wake up time……Getting up. Telling the girls they can't play on my phone.  Deciding on breakfast. eating breakfast. getting dressed. combing hair. brushing teeth, putting on the right socks that don't have the strings that attack my daughters feet on the inside (my word, i despise Target's $1 socks that suck me in everytime with their Hello Kitty…. they are lamesauce)  making beds. putting away the lovies and dolls and running out the door………
Thank You for the tiny hands that still want to hold my hands in parking lots, car rides, or cuddling on the couch or climbing stairs.
Thank You for the crazy / random conversations I get to have everyday with Zion. Like, having to explain to her why mama wears under garments different from hers. Or why are all of these people moving to our neighborhoods? Where are dare other houses mama?
Thank You for Zakiyah's random and hilarious sounds and facial expressions that she makes! The whistle face, and the head bop. How she loves MUSIC and dances everyday. How when she hears Coldplay or River Valley Kids she instantly grabs my hands and wants to jump and be free.
Thank You for the 3,963 times I hear Mama, and MOM in a day.
Thank You for choosing me to be their mom.
Thank You for the obnoxious car rides we have daily, where Zion decides it is time to learn her words/letters and takes out her notebook and wants me to help her write:  Caroline, Collin, Zakiyah, February 19 (her birthday) and Fall, while getting mad at me because I am driving and she wants to know how to write a letter and doesn't approve of my imaginary chalkboard that I sketch out the letter….not good enough…."Zion, wait for a stoplight and I will help you."
Thank You for the excitement the girls have for being the line leader in PreK / seeing anything Disney / falling asleep with their flashlight on from reading (looking at pix) of their bible.
Thank You for the meltdowns at the end of my work days or busy days/weeks because all they want is their mommy and daddy. Blessed. They choose to love us back. They love me.
Thank You for the little reminders tonight, Lord.

It is funny how taking a nuki away symbolizes more to me. Being a mom, and making those executive decisions, believing and knowing that my daughter will be ok. It might be a rough couple of days, but I know she can do it. She can rest without that security. She will find a new normal. It is my job to push my daughters into the next step. Cheering them on. Praying for their safety/life/future.

Do I live out my life in the same way, I push my daughters into new things. seasons. chapters.

Here is your new school, Zion…. Have fun! See you in a few hours.
Here is a new school lesson- you got this.
Here is a new teacher for a new sport… with new faces. You will be ok.
Here is the stage- perform. You will be ok.

I want to be a mom that shows my girls what bravery is.
I want to be a mom that pushes through my own insecurities, taking risks and getting my butt up after I fail or don't do it right the first time.

Just apart of this new season for me of God stripping my own comfort and rocking my core.

My favorite song right now has these lyrics that go like this:

You make me brave
You make me brave
You called me beyond the shores
into the waves

Ending tonight, with a smile.
A fresh reminder of God's love for us.
Thankful that my daughter is upstairs, sleeping nuk-free and she is ok.

We are all going to be ok.

one of those days

one of those days.
raw.
a dam of emotions that i have kept in. not wanting to open/ the burst of water/ the time to deal with it.

lack of patience.
lack of energy.
another migraine.
two little ladies testing me.

raising little human beings is complicated and trying.
mamahood is a crazy ride.

kids. oh my word- kids! I have this saying, i always say to get it together, when my kids are being crazy and i am lacking grace……i say out loud, "quit acting like kids". i makes me laugh saying it. because in reality they are KIDS.

zi is 4.5 years old and kiyah is turning 2 this week. what does this mean?
4.5 year old acting all grown up and responsible.
starting preschool.
being a wonderful big sister to kiyah and sharing her toys.
but, at the same time, struggling with boundaries and listening/obeying her parents. testing the limits. whining. complaining. crying. having break downs. we are in a shift with disciplining and learning what is effective and consistent in our home.
zakiyah, on the other hand, is well the second born. the crazy/ free-spirited/ doesn't care about anything child. she is limitless and very tender-hearted all in one! She is entering toddlerhood and leaving babylife behind her. so in result, there is a big shift going on in our home.

which means MAMA IS LOSING IT! like having melt downs with them somedays. saying ridiculous things that i wouldn't let my 4 year old say.

scene #1 i had the deck all set up for a shower yesterday and had stayed up til 1 am cleaning and washing linens and the hus decided to let the 4 yo eat/drink her smoothie with no lid on the deck, sitting at the clean table….and what happened? the smoothie tipped over. mama lost it.

scene #2 the SB -second born ;) - gets out of car at a park/field of grass and finds the 5 feet of mud and trips and falls in it. mama lost it.

scene #3 every TIME i am driving my car, the girls drop their sippys, loves, babies, snack cups, snacks out of the cup, sunglasses and want me to find it on the nasty crumb filled floor while driving………on their time and WHINE til they get it. not happening sister. not happening……… mama lost it.

there are so many…… my point. is ----- Jesus, take the wheel! give me grace. slap me in the face when i need it. hug me when i need encouragement. rub my tense shoulders. take my hand, and bring me to my bed….or a couch…or the floor for goodness sakes...make me nap. make me a coffee, when i am tired. pep talk me like a good coach does mid game- whisper your truths in my ear when i listening to the lies in the other ear. wipe my tears when i feel weak/lost/alone.

bottom line. i know i am not alone. just having one of those days.

i don't want this space to be a vent session/ or a soap box/ or negative christy being hard on herself. but, i do want this to be a place of being honest and real. open and heartfelt. genuine and bold.

i can't tell you how many people that i follow on instagram/blogs/social media and "follow" them to be inspired/encouraged/ or even just curious of their lives/homes/families/careers. but, it ends up bogging me down or giving myself the comparison game…or making me want things. life has been feeling really loud to me lately.

summer is such a blast and i come alive in this season. but, i am tired. i want to say "no" to things/events/commitments. i want to rest….. like actually take naps and not feel guilty. i want to prioritize  and keep my life "simple" and "open for play".

it isn't easy to say no. because ultimately, i care. i want to see people. listen and connect. i want to serve. i want to host. i want to be a friend/sister/daughter/mentor.
how do you draw these lines?
am i the only one that struggles with this? there are so many books/articles/posts that i have read on balance/schedules/life/mamahood/parenting/discipline/faith/priorities but what is the perfect concoction for me?

my priorities
my faith/ my hus/ my girls
my career/ health/ ministry/ family etc.

the list of other items is so long……….

today is a day where i am dealing with the stuff.
processing.
reflecting.
sifting through all of my web of emotions.

i need to give my husband and girls - my all. not the leftovers.

as summer is closing, i am anxious for fall.
new season. new schedules. new beginnings.
i am excited for fall- trying to have more of schedule that works for my family. i am starting a bible study called SEVEN by Jen Hatmaker. I can not wait. it will take me on a 7 month journey of eliminating different things in my life out month by month. I am hoping it will help shape me into the woman God has created me to be.

kind. patient. joy filled. loving. nurturing. reliable. passionate. trustworthy. healthy. balanced.

it is raining right now.
ironically.
i feel like it God washing over me with his grace.
thank you Lord for this reminder.

tomorrow is a new day.
i will start new.
hope in my eyes.

I want a do-over

processing.
overwhelmed.
emotional.
intense.

Do you ever have those days where you don't even know where to begin? Today, I want a do-over. I want to have a second chance on how to respond to my daughters. I want more patience. More grace. I want to create a better layout for our day to play out better. Less chaos. Less tantrums. Can I just say, that life with a 21 month old is crazy TOWN. She is sooooo full of love and zest for the world. But, that little Nova can keep me on my toes ;)

This morning, after working 26 hours in 2 days, I needed my game face on for our big…. normal day! Zion coming into our room at 6:30am to cuddle her mama. We spooned as I played with her hair. Starting out with Day two with a migraine, I ran downstairs as she lied in my bed, to grab Excedrin and an ice pack for my forehead……… back to bed to cuddle and rest before Zakiyah woke up. She ended up getting up around 7:30, so diaper changes and cuddles for my little toddler. I placed both girls on the couch, 2 Z bars, fruit snacks, iPad, lovies, nukky…….. while this mama made coffee and lied on the other couch trying to get my crap together.

Ballet. Oh my word…ballet. Can it be done already? Month 9. I am over it. I want a schedule free summer. I am over the whole thing. I am such a slacker with the running around biz with a 4 year old. Getting the girls ready and out the door is out of control somedays. My word, why are we still late for a 10am class, after being up for 3 hours? I am the mom, that at the stoplight by the studio, I am rummaging through my thirty-one bag trying to find Zion's slippers for her to put on in the car while I am driving, so I can run her in at 10:06. BARF.

And lets talk about Zakiyah coming with for 9 months to ballet and not being able to dance. To think when we started last September 3 (yes I remember the day), Zakiyah only crawled. Now, this kid wants to open the studio door x 30 times in 45 minutes and dance with sister. I am the free spirit mom that drives my teacher nuts with, just let her dance? Please, just let her dance? :) Then there is the drinking fountains everywhere I look for her to give herself a bath. She is so adventurous, to say the least.

Every week after ballet, we go to Target. Thank you Jesus for the free cheese, deli meat slice, and cookie. I am the mom of the year that opens a couple of boxes of annies snacks and juice box too. Don't judge. Then there is the stupid Cartwheel app. Good grief. I am scanning every stinkin item to save 5 cents on it at checkout. Digging through my items as they are sitting on Zion's lap in the cart. Ha. Half the time, trying to pry Zion's fingers off my phone because she is watching Tinkerbell. Mama needs cartwheel. Mama needs to call daddy and see what else is on the list. CRAZYTOWN.

After Target, we headed to the gym for me to have a meeting with a friend to go over a upcoming event. While I let the girls play! After being there for 2 hours, we headed home for naps, making 8 cards for Zion's teachers and packing up for church…. picking up a student, going to the chiropractor, going to church for a meeting, while kids are running around crazy. Me- observing the meltdowns and my kids showing me, "I am done". Going to a graduation ceremony for Zion's preschool program at church, while trying to contain Zakiyah Nova, 21 months old in a service at bedtime. HA. Laugh now, cuz it was not going to happen! After, the girls not listening, and being a distraction, I was over it. Leaving mid-graduation, Home we went.

Man, I have been soooooooo emotional lately. Raw // Pure EMOTIONS. Tears coming out of no- where. It is no wonder why we feel tapped out sometimes. I find myself looking through my instas and pix of my ladies and they are sooooo precious and serene. But, sometimes life isn't what a picture looks like. Don't get me wrong….. I love my life. I love my husband and girls. Life is hard though. Life has it's ups and downs. I can not get over mom guilt. Tonight, as Zion was apologizing for poor behavior, I let my tears stream down my face, showing her that mom was sad too. Mom's feelings were hurt. Mom was exhausted. Mom is sick of the attitude and acting out. While driving my girls home, after abruptly leaving church, cuz I had enough, and it was BEDTIME. I was surprised by the sincere apology in the quietness in our car. Looking at my 4 year olds beautiful pastel blue eyes in my rear view mirror, I connected with her gaze. She knew that I was done for the day.

example- the pix above shows… cutness overload of Zi reading to sis. But for one hour before this it was mass chaos and temper tantrum-ville in our family. pictures don't show everything. love this moment though. :)

Getting home, we got ready for bed, grabbed books and us three snuggled in my bed for books and cuddles. I needed it more than them.

Sidenote: after bedtime for the ladies…… Christy ate McDonald's fries (thanks Hus) :) and rearranged my living room! Therapy on Dunlap Lane! Ha! Moving couchs while reflecting and praying…..I love my girls sooooo much it hurts. So why do I yell? Why do I lose my mind sometimes? Why don't we feel like we are doing a good job? Why do I go in their room at night checking to see if their blankets are on them and stroke their hair away from their face, having guilt from not appreciating them all the time. Am I raising generous/ loving/ caring /considerate  / thoughtful/ sensitive/ rooted in faith / respectful / young women? Am I failing? This is the crap that I let sift through my thoughts. I am sick of it. I need to give myself grace. I need to walk away for a few seconds and get myself together before yelling. I need to not say mean words to my girls. I need to use this raw and honest awareness to my personality and get a grip (as I like to say).

Be the voice of reason.
Be the voice of encouragment.
Be the laughter in the room.
Be the safe place.

Am I teaching my girls that they are my priority? or an inconvenience?
Am I looking to God's word and discernment over my life…. my family….
Am I showing my girls that my love is unconditional or circumstantial?
These are the thoughts that are in my head and heart daily.
Do I treat them like I talk about them to friend or client…….. Showing them how proud I am of them.

I want to be the best mom for them, and not only that, I want to be the best woman for them. Sometimes, being a mom shows us who we are not instead of who we are. truth. Showing them how mama has rhythm in her days and can rock out a beautiful melody and flow. I want to show them, that I can juggle a career (in my home), a strong marriage, a firm foundation that is rooted in God's love, solid community, sacrificing my wants for others needs and being an amazing mama to them! I want to have them wake up in the mornings with the comfort of knowing their mama can't wait to see them, and at the same time, ending their day with their mama having grace for the drawn out bedtime routine, embracing this season shall pass.

I am not trying to complain or rant. But, I am just writing. Clearing out this space in my brain/heart and releasing it. Allowing God's peace to enter in my life and rejuvenate me. Lord, I need you. I need your patience and whisper.

I want tomorrow to be better. not perfect. But, more intentional. More calm.
Real life- there are no Do-Overs.
There are, Get your crap together and make the sun shine where it isn't sunny.
Make lemonade out of your lemons.

Tomorrow, I am going to laugh.
Giving myself time to laugh it off.
I am going to be real. raw. honest.
I am the only mama my girls have.
It is a privilege raising these two girls.
Zion Leilani and Zakiyah Nova………..
You have all of me.

Taking time to be thankful.

I found this image on Pinterest and love what it says.

Truth.

Simple.

Yet, profound. 

Man, we are blessed.
Overwhelmed lately with gratitude.
Thankful for my husband.
Thankful for my z pies.
Seriously, this season…… raising littles is pretty awesome.
Somedays are harder than others. Somedays just play rock.

Lately, I have been soaking in the moments. Cuddling with Kiyah. She is our little monster! Zakiyah invented the word, "explore." She learned how to open the oven this weekend! She stands on her rocking horse, or any table for that matter. She follows her sister in everything! She loves dried cranberries and anything sweet! She gives the best hugs and her giggle is contagious. She is going to out run us anyday now. Zakiyah Nova- our blessing.

Zion is growing up before our eyes. I can not believe that she will be 4 in a couple of weeks here! I took her on a date over the weekend, to celebrate her helpful heart and giving spirit. I figured it was time to celebrate and show her I appreicate her! She is my little helper everyday! From cleaning the studio with me, to emptying the dishwasher, to making her bed, she rocks at helping her mama. She says "yuv you" fifty times a day. She loves painting nails and using her imagination. Everything is magic in this house. She is so excited to have a Tinkerbell party. I love that we are turning the four year old corner in life….. more grown up…..less tantrums….. amen and amen

The Hus and I have been together for 12 crazy years- what the? Where did the time go? I am still lucky to call him my BFF and my partner in this life. He continues to challenge me and make me a better woman. We couldn't be any more opposite but it somehow works for us. Thankful for his sense of humor, his consistency in EVERYTHING, his opproach at life, his leadership in our family. Love you hus…...

The girls love watching daddy sing and play. It is one of my favorite casslife things we do.

              

Cass girls sandwich. The best. I love how Z/Z are buddies. IN IT FOR LIFE is what I always tell them.

Rambling Reflections

Our three point five year old daughter, Zion, joined ballet for the school year! We are loving going to ballet every Wednesday. I am amazed at what she is learning in the 45 minute classes. I chose a Angelina the Ballerina class for 3-5 year olds. The teacher is amazing and very patient with my daughter. I am loving how ballet teaches my daughter how to be a young lady, using manners, and being graceful and feminine. 

I always wanted to have ballet and other dance classes when I was little and didn't get the opportunity. I am fully aware that I am living a little vicariously through Zion. :) It has been fun for Zion to meet new little friends as well. Yesterday, we got to observe the class for the first time! So I brought the camera to document...... (and by the way, the class has openings if any of my Roch friends are interested)

I mean....can you even stand it? So stinkin presh! 

Zion loves her class. They incorporate Angelina music, a few pages from a Angelina the Ballerina book and what not as well. Zakiyah loved watching her big sister dance! Zion has been walking around the house using ballet words now and practicing. Melt my HEART.

Zakiyah on the loose.

Below the girls are listening to Miss Kathy read the story to them. 

It is amazing as a mama to be able to observe my daughter in this setting.......standing on the sideline. Watching her grow up before me. I am always praying over my daughters, that they will be a leader, as well as allowing others to lead them. I pray that they listen and obey and show kindness, compassion, love, generosity and joy with those around them. I pray that they know where they have come from, and allow the foundation that is laid out before them to mold them and strengthen them. I pray they accept Christ's love and acceptance for them. 

I want this innocence to outlast the "norm" of what society tells us is acceptable. I want my daughters to be proud of what their names mean- and take ownership for their decisions. {Zion-presence of God.... Zakiyah-purity}I want them to be protected, but yet, be able to explore and learn from mistakes. I love how my Zion shows me how to live in the moment. Whether she is exploring in the woods, or coloring on her construction paper, she is in the moment FULLY. I love watching Kiyah develop and grow into a little person. 

I want my love, that I have for my daughters to show in my words, emotions, actions, reactions ;) , body language, discipline, and how I generally respond to everything. A quote that I stitched, hanging by my desk says, "Everything you say to your child is absorbed, catalogued, and remembered." I want to live this out........

I want to be consistent.

I don't want the mom regrets at the end of the day......battling my frustrations and dwelling on how I should have handled the 3 year old meltdown, the lack of sharing with my daughter's friends, my teething baby that is needing her mom....... It is funny how in the dark of the night, when things tend to slow down and be silent, when I am laying in my daughter's ikea toddler bed, how perspective and thankfulness smacks me in the face........ 

Please, Lord, give me grace and mercy for my girls everyday- morning. noon. and night.

I am thankful for friends that I can run to. One thing that I have learned..... is I am not alone. My life is created to share with others. Mamas who get it. Mamas who don't judge. Mamas who have the same struggles. Mamas who have the same obstacles. Having spent the past day with my old roomies from UMD- us 4 having 9 kids under 5 now....... I am overwhelmed with the chaos :) and the wonderful blessing that my God has given to me. 

I struggle with busyness. Running a business, being married to a pastor. Having a lovely family and friends. Loving the teens and our church family. Having two daughters and a wonderful husband. loving ministry. Enjoying so many things.....that keep me busy. It is never ending....my goals...my lists..my longing for balance. My desire to reach more people, connecting with new and old friends...... I am thankful for so much. I am blessed beyond measure, that is for sure..... So today, I am taking a moment and breathe. Even if its writing out this post, it is "me" time, it refuels me. 

I just want to be the best version of "me". 

I want to be a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend that I am created to be.

I want to make time for the things that I love.....reading. coffee, baths, painting my nails, walks, painting. baking and more..... that is all. ha. ha. 

I hope to continue to grow. Allowing others to pour their wisdom into me. 

Well, that was my Thursday randomness.........thanks for reading. 

Cass Life

Minnesota is weird. Seriously. A week ago we were bundled up watching 14" + of snow fall. Now, we are putting on sunscreen and wearing shorts. So crazy. I am taking it though. Enjoying the heat. the rain verses snow. The sunscreen instead of wool socks. The windows open verses the fire on. The iced tea verses hot cocoa. PRAISE.

 We are known for Cass dance parties in our living room. Our daughters love kids music and having a dance party. It is sooooo fun! Here are some of the kids with their daddies.  Note:  The packer cheerleader.

I have been really overwhelmed as of late.
Life.
Balance.
Mamahood.
Mothering in general.
Discipline.
Work.
Ministry.
Relationships.
Chores.
Errands.
It is so overwhelming to strive for a healthy-life. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually.
Sometimes I feel like if I am doing really well in one area, I am failing in another.
I have been making the conscience effort to choose to play with my girls.
Build the lego tower.
make the Mr. Potato head family.
Write and color with Zion.
Hold Kiyah til she conks out.
Sit and enjoy our meals, which take an hour for Zion to accomplish. :)
have dance parties in our living room.

To Let GO.....

Yes, keeping the home is important. But, it is also important to be there for my daughters. Engaged. Captivated. and PRESENT.

 My baby is teething. This girl gets no break. Currently, we have hives on the neck. A cough that doesn't stop. fevers. runny nose. I just pray for her to be able to rock out those teeth and get better quickly. It is funny when kids are sick, how it affects the whole family. the routines. the schedules. I am  letting go.

Zion's heart is overflowing. She knows when to hug this mama. When to say I love you. When to look in my eyes and say, "you are the best." I love her heart. I love her zest for life. I love her sensitivity. I love how she sings to Kiyah. I can't get over how kids are so intuitive with their surroundings. I love hearing Zion pray for Kiyah's cold.

I am loving how Kiyah now puts her head on my shoulder when I am holding her. She knows I need it. I love how she holds my fingers or rests her hand on mine all the time when I am holding her. I love how she looks up at me when I am feeding her. I love how she claps and waves. She is now putting her hand over her mouth to blow kisses. She is so special.

Yesterday, instead of cleaning. organizing and doing my Christy thing..... we played. We retreated to the backyard for swings and slide. It was refreshing.....until the 3 yo got stuck in mud. The sister had a melt down. crying. I had to carry her up our hill and attempt to clean her "fip-fops". I couldn't get the water faucet on.......been shut off for 9 months. I then retrieved to using a beach bucket and old t shirt to wash zion's feet and throw on the rain boots. Good grief. I love those moments. sigh.

Kiyah loves the swing. It is her happy place.

Zion loves pushing her.

A picture of the mud. during the melt down. It was in the GLORY.

After some sun.....the girls did nap. At the same time! I went back to my cleaning. organizing......but was so thankful that I stopped and soaked up my daughters.

Prepping for garage sale stuff today.
Have a great day.
Stop. Breathe in the day.

Loves.

mamahood ramblings

mamahood is a gift.....
it is so intense.
it stretches.
it shapes.
it is revealing of character. true character.
it overflows into everything.
it is real.
it is raw.
it is a gift.
it is challenging.
it is emotional.
it is all over the place.
it is my priority.
it is spiritual.
it is my calling.
it is my purpose.

mamahood is a gift......

do i live each day reflecting these words.
do i live this out.
do i thank God for my daily situations.
do i smile or find J+O+Y in chaos.
do i shine in stress.
do i raise my voice or whisper.
do i give me daughters the security they need from their mama.
do i show love to their daddy enough.

mamahood is a gift........

today i am thankful.
today i choose JOY
today i am going to choose my words.
today i am going to play with play dough.
today i am going to drive in a van under the table. go the castle in my daughter's room.
today i am going to cuddle extra long with my baby.
today i am going to smile when my daughter says she wants a "snack" for the 10th time.
today i am going to dance to "our family song" {Lumineers- Ho Hey}

today i choose LOVE. Joy. patience. peace. righteousness. faithfulness. kindness. self control. gentleness.

today God wins.

mamahood is a gift.....

(photo taken by Isiah Lecea)

today i will love. 

today i will laugh. 

today i will conquer.

today i will shine.

today i will strive for balance.

today i will be honest with myself.

today i will find peace.

today i will be in the moment.

H54F.....my life in pictures.

H54F--high five for friday. This is my first week of linking up with Lauren at  frommygreydesk for my weekly top 5 in pictures! Fun, right? Enjoy!

I have a secret! We painted our mudroom! I will share the details this week! Stay tuned.

Zion is turning 3 this month! Can you believe it? We found this beauty at Goodwill and are super excited about it! She is in love with Strawberry Shortcake! I am having a blast organizing her party. I will make sure to share all the deets with ya soon!

I heart juicing! It is so good. I have grown to LOVE it. I have been trying to juice at least once a day! This one is cucumber/carrot/celery/apple/ginger/lemon/kale/spinach juice. I try to make enough for 20-24 ounces! YUM.

 My lil' ladies. So CUTE! Zion picked out their outfit here. She wanted to match! Kiyah is full of hugs/smiles/giggles lately! Love 'em...

Have you joined the new craze? VINE app for the iphone. FREE! I love it. It is similar to instagram but it is videos. People are sooooo creative on there. I am liking it a lot. Come join the club, yo.